Starstruck

The month of August has begun. Second half of the summer.

Last night I had an awesome experience. It was my concert event of the summer. Brandi Carlile in Lowell Massachusetts. I bought these tickets five months ago. There was eight hours of driving round trip. Three states. More than a tank of gas. Was it worth it? Oh my god. It was. (She's the artist that you click on the left side of my blog.)

I thought I would come to my blog and be able to write easily about this overwhelming experience. How I had two timeless hours, suspended by this woman's voice. But I couldn't seem to find the words I wanted to say. There are really no words for what I felt last night. Yes, I started to cry when she started singing (a la Beatles stepping off the plane, or a la little girl crying for Sanjaya). My friend and I talked about why is it seemingly socially unacceptable to be over 30 and to be a huge fan of a musician -- the type of fan who would cry like that. Why am I embarrassed to talk about the fact that I totally relate to this musician and that her music rocks me to the core? Yes, it seems a lot like the feelings of an adolescent. Maybe that's exactly it. Maybe I feel like an adolescent, because when I listen to her music, it takes me to somewhere I haven't been in a long, long time. It takes be back to a time when everything was easy and innocent. When you were supposed to be startstuck. But it's more than being starstruck, I think. I couldn't possibly have had this emotional connection to her music when I was a teenager. Then it was all about rock-n-roll and zebra striped spandex pants and big hair and not about songs that make my throat choke up and make my heart feel like it is about to jump out of my chest. And that happens because I am now mature enough to take the words of her songs to heart and to truly appreciate the strength of her voice and her ability to create beauty and to move people to cry like I do. I cry because I have lived a lot these last few years and now the words have the meaning that was intended. Isn't that the whole point?

At the end I almost died and went to heaven. The last announcement of the night was that Brandi was going to be signing autographs and meeting her fans after the show. I got on the long line, and didn't mind that it took forever to meet her, because she was graciously talking with her fans. (How many times have I made fun of people who wait in these long lines to meet stars?) Anyway, I met her and told her how my son and I sing her songs together, how her music has moved me and how I traveled so far to see her. She told me -- Come down to New York City on Wednesday...I'm going to be playing there at an event! I almost passed out. I was like YES, YES!!! And then, I realized no, no, no. I will be on a plane to Europe at the exact moment of that event. I have to admit, I am a little crushed. But hey, this is not supposed to be part of my real life, right? But it is.

I suppose this all will pass and I will look back and laugh at this little return to adolescence. I'll laugh at myself for standing in line to talk to my idol for a minute and for crying like a baby when the music started. Oh, but I will never forget the first of August.