38 Candles

38 candles
blinking, twinkling
fire hot
burning shorter
time racing by
summing up my life
my life in one moment
how have I gotten to where I am?

big teeth
smiling
make a wish, make a wish
flashes in my face
documenting the moment
the years pass before me
they don't understand
what I wish for

deep breaths
one more
and again
hold the smile
don't let them see
tears streaming down my face
blurring my vision
auras around the candles
hold them back

don't look at me
don't mind me
it's nothing
yes, I'm crying again
just another year
I don't know why
don't mind me

crying on the inside
I don't want to hear them
I don't want to be here
get me out of my body
take me where I want to be
why, five years in a row?
why can't I hold back tears?
I don't know why they even come

awwww…poor baby
what's the matter
it's just another birthday
I scream in my head
it's not just another birthday
you don't understand
I am not who you think I am
and another year has gone by